Cast your mind back to the beginning of January… did you make a New Year’s resolution to action meaningful change in your life? And was that resolution abandoned almost as quickly as it began? You’re not alone – nearly 20% of us give up on our resolutions within the first month and only 11% last the whole year. 

We’re not talking about diving headfirst into unknown waters, like swapping careers, moving the other side of the world or even leaving your marriage – we’re talking about making small changes to the activities that dictate your days, changes that could help you to lead a happier, healthier life. But how do you recognise that you even need or want to make a change?  

According to Dr Ritz Birah, psychologist and expert in habit formation, there may be some subtle signs you’re not living your life the way you want. ‘You might be feeling a bit restless or unfulfilled, or you’re looking for a quick fix, like downloading an app that promises you’ll get fit in 21 days,’ she says. ‘This shows you are searching for change, but you’re not sure what or where to start.’  

Or it could be that you are repeating certain patterns of behaviour, like starting the same diet every month or paying off credit cards, then running up more debt. Dr Sophie Mort, clinical psychologist and author of (Un)Stuck (Gallery Books, £10.99), explains: ‘Humans often go around in circles, even when we want to change.’  

If you recognise any of these behaviours, it’s likely that you’re ready to revisit those resolutions. So before you find yourself too far into the year having changed nothing, why not shake things up with our step-by-step guide? It gives you the tools to discover what changes are right for you and explains how to go about making them and sticking to them… 

1. Identify what needs to change  

Many of us feel the change ‘itch’ – restlessness and a desire for something new, but without knowing exactly what. Setting any goal can lead to failure if you don’t know why you’re doing it. ‘Goals are great in that they give us a point of focus and something to strive for, but values act as a north star for us to chart the course of our lives by,’ says Sophie. To work out what values are important to you, write down the following list: family; work and career; fun and recreation; friendships; physical health; personal growth; spirituality; romantic relationships. Without thinking too hard, give each value a score out of 10 for how important it is to you and how much time you spend doing it. This will show where there’s an imbalance in your life. ‘If you’re giving work 90% of your time but you only score it a six, something needs to change in that area,’ says Ritz.  

2. Don’t set goals, start habits  

This may sound counterintuitive, but setting goals alone won’t necessarily help you achieve change. ‘A goal-orientated mindset can create a yo-yo effect,’ explains James Clear, motivational speaker and author of Atomic Habits (Cornerstone, £17.99). ‘Many runners work hard for months but as soon as they cross the finish line, they stop training. The race is no longer there to motivate them.’ Creating habits can help to stop this yo-yo-ing. Every time we complete a task, says James, our brain releases the feel-good chemical dopamine, which reinforces the habit loop – we want to keep doing that habit to get the dopamine reward. The more often we carry out that habit, our brain starts to release dopamine in anticipation of doing it, not just when we complete it. So our motivation comes from performing the habit, not an end goal which may be weeks away.  

3. Be specific  

One mistake that gets in the way of long-term change is not being specific enough with your intentions. To turn a goal into a habit, you need to do more than say, ‘I want to get fit,’ for instance. But, warns James, even making this more specific – by saying, ‘I will walk for 10 minutes a day,’ for example – isn’t explicit enough to turn that goal into a habit. ‘We never say where and when these habits will happen. We leave it to chance and hope we will feel motivated at the right time. But research shows if we make specific plans for when and where we will perform a new habit, we’re more likely to follow through,’ he says. 

4. Be practical 

Let’s say the value most important to you is friendship – you might decide you’d like to spend more time with friends. But setting a goal to meet once a week might not be realistic – and if you do set that goal but are unlikely to stick with it, you’ll feel like you’ve failed. ‘Think about why you want to see them more often,’ advises Ritz. Are you craving a connection? If so, identify other, more practical ways to connect. ‘You could schedule in a virtual coffee every week or even just send a silly meme or heart emoji,’ she suggests. 

5. Set micro-habits  

Keep your new habits small to make them sustainable. This is known as the 1% rule – make your life better by 1%. So, if you want to start meditating, ‘don’t set a goal to do an hour three times a week,’ says Ritz. ‘Start ridiculously small, such as taking three deep breaths with your morning coffee, and then build from there.’  

6. Pick the right time to enforce a habit  

While January is the traditional time of year to try to make a change that lasts, choosing the best time of day to go about it can mean the difference between sticking with it long-term, or abandoning it altogether. Sophie says, ‘In the first eight hours after waking, you have the highest levels of cortisol, norepinephrine, dopamine and other chemicals in your brain that increase your alertness and focus. This means you’re more able to face the resistance that often arises when you start something new.’ If your long-term goal is to keep on top of the housework so you can spend more time with your family, for example, then try making your bed as soon as you get up or sweeping the kitchen floor while you’re waiting for the kettle to boil. You’re far more likely to achieve these tasks first thing in the morning than setting aside an hour to tidy every room after work when you’re feeling tired. 

7. Celebrate every win  

‘The vital thing in getting a habit to stick is to feel successful – even if that’s in a small way,’ says James. ‘That feeling of success is a signal that your habit paid off and the work was worth the effort.’ You could choose an immediate reward, like having a massage after a workout, or something longer term, such as putting money towards new gym clothes. And you don’t only have to celebrate the so-called ‘worthy’ wins, like giving up alcohol for a month. Ritz says, ‘It’s important to celebrate your more light-hearted goals too, like finally booking a weekend away with your friends. Rewarding all your wins helps create a more balanced life. 

8. Start habit stacking  

Habit stacking is, in essence, the practice of combining a habit you already carry out with one that you want to do. According to James, this is one of the most effective ways to increase the likelihood of building a new habit. That’s because none of our actions are truly spontaneous; every behaviour or action we do is a cue to carry out the next one. By linking your new habit to something you already do every day and are unlikely to change – like brushing your teeth – you take advantage of this momentum, and it becomes easier to complete. In practice, this could be following a meditation app for two minutes while you’re taking your make-up off in the evening, or listening to an audiobook when you go for a run. Because you don’t have to create a separate space for your new habit, it’s more likely to stick. 

9. Look to the future  

Visualisation is a technique to help train your brain for success – when you imagine carrying out a new habit, it activates the same regions in your brain as actually doing it. This reinforces the habit loop, so you want to perform that habit for real. Use all your senses during visualisation to make that mental rehearsal as vivid as possible. Ritz says, ‘If you want to stretch for one minute every day, imagine where you are when you do it. Are you by a window? Is the sun coming in? How does your spine feel as you stretch? Do you drink water afterwards?’ If you can ‘see’ what life looks like when your new habit is in place, this increases the chances of you making those changes. 

Visualisation can also be part of manifesting. ‘Many people think manifesting is simply wishing for something to come into your life,’ explains Ritz. ‘But it’s actually about making choices and then taking action to move you towards that goal.’ Manifesting involves some self-reflection to work out what you want, then focusing on making that goal happen. This could be creating a vision board of what your life looks like when that goal has been fulfilled, then allowing space in your life for that opportunity to arrive. If you want a dog, for example, then you need the kind of lifestyle that supports one. This may require making changes, such as not working late, but when you can ‘see’ life with your new dog, you’re more likely to make those changes.  

10. Be kind to yourself  

You won’t perform your new habit every day – you’re only human – but don’t beat yourself up if you do miss a day out: it’s not because you’re weak or lazy. ‘Until recently, we thought of willpower as a finite resource that could run out at some point, leaving you with nothing to use for the next task. But this theory means we’re more likely to give up as soon as we feel tired,’ says Sophie. ‘It may be more helpful to think of willpower like an emotion; it ebbs and flows. When you’re feeling it, you should use it, but you cannot bank on it.’ That’s why creating habits is more effective than setting goals: you’re not relying on willpower to get them done. The more automatic habits become, the easier it is to continue doing them. Creating new habits takes work but it’s worth it. Sophie says, ‘They can be the difference between a life of ease, in which we do activities we enjoy, and a life that makes us feel we’re going round in circles with someone else in the driving seat.’ It’s time to hit the brakes and take control of your goals.